i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I am morally bankrupt
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
