i don't like sucking hair
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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