what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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