yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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