haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
