so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
