I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
