So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
