end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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