His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
