Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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