I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I enjoy the company of your penis
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
