At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
