I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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