hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
