If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We are all done wearing pants today
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
