My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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