four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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