you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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