Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
