How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
