Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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