You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
