first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
