Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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