Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
