I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
