I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
