was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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