hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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