There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
