if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
