So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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