I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
