well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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