both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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