I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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