someone get that fucking seahorse.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
