we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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