something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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