My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
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