I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
