how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I touched a dick in church today
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
