He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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