He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
