I want to walk on stilts...naked
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
