Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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