Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
