He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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