it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
