i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
